Whew Chile!! With all these mood swings I know I am a hard one to love. I get on my own nerves... daily. I don't know what I'm going to get when I wake up or for that matter in the next 5 minutes. Sometimes when I'm in good mood it's kinda scary. I'm like "how long is this going to last and will it PLEASE last for the rest of my life?" I constantly see myself wishing for support from others but then also being silent when I need support the most. I just don't want to tap dance on anyone's last nerve. My problem is I wait until the last final moment when I'm about to have a breakdown to ask people to understand why I'm insanely crying, screaming and destroying stuff. I can only imagine the confusion of my friends and family.
EMOTIONAL STORM
Since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I have learned patience because I want people to have that with me. It's an emotional roller coaster NO ONE asked to be on. I'm constantly yelling "GET ME OFF OF THIS RIDE, I WILL CALL MY LAWYER!!" There have been times when I have completely lost track of my emotions and confused myself. Like SIS what are you feeling right now and how the hell does it even relate to this situation. My emotions sometimes don't match the situation/atmosphere I am in. I could be laughing when everyone is angry and crying when everyone is laughing. PULL IT TOGETHER MA'AM!
As I sit in Starbucks typing this my mood instantly flipped to irritated and somewhat defeated...ugh but right when it did the song that goes "ooh child things are gonna get easier, ooh child things will get brighter" comes on. And now I have a faint grin...Perfect timing Starbucks playlist...well played!! I know the weather lately has a lot to do with my mood swings aka the "winter blues." In this past week the weather has been RIDICULOUS. I mean we have had a blizzard, heat wave, tornado, hurricane, tsunami, flash flood and a monsoon in just 7 days! Whew I'm tired emotionally. I guess the weather is like my emotions, unpredictable.
GOT SUPPORT?
So what have I tried to do to get more support from family and friends? First things first, I CHECKED my own self. Yes, that's right I check myself and make sure my attitude is not out of whack. Now this is easier said than done, and I still slip up, but if you check your attitude at the door it makes it so much easier to communicate your needs to your love ones. I can't support a person who I don't know where they are coming from because all I see is a wall of attitude in front of their real feelings. Emotions come in different shapes and forms so it is easy to get confused. For example, when I first went to college I went to a haunted theme park. Well when the dude with the chainsaw started chasing me I lost it and I mean LOST IT!! I cussed out everyone who was in earshot. I wanted to go home and demanded to leave right at that moment. So on the outside looking in, it looked like I was angry but my real emotion was...that's right FEAR. Now do you see how our love ones can get confused so easily?
IT'S A CYCLE
I use to explain to my clients all the time that thoughts lead to emotions, emotions lead to actions, actions lead to behaviors which will eventually become habits if you keep doing the same cycle. Now this may be a good thing for positive habits but that's not what we are talking about here. Picture it, if I keep thinking "no one will ever understand me", I will develop negative habits. You know what those habits are? Poor communication (shutting down), anger, feeling helpless, feeling misunderstood, etc. Now to our friends and family think we are "moody or have a bad attitude" but in actuality it is FEAR of no one understanding us and our many moods. I can't expect anyone to automatically know how I feel, which is why communication is important on my part. I know that's not what you want to hear because we typically play the victim here and blame everyone else for not "fixing" us. Nah, you are the only one who can do that...WE have to break our own negative cycle but some people want to stay "broken" because they get more attention that way 👀. Trust me PEOPLE WILL GET TIRED OF YOUR ISH!! I may call myself "The Broken Therapist" but I never intend to stay that way every day of my life. I just have "broken" moments and that's all I'm claiming. I may have ruffled a few feathers on that one. Oh well! Just being transparent and sharing my experiences that I have witnessed as a therapist and as a person diagnosed with mental health disorders. SOOO I SAY WHAT I WANT! lol.
BUUUUTT If you feel like you have communicated your feelings well and they STILL don't support you...THROW 👏 THEM 👏 ALL 👏 AWAY 👏 TODAY 👏 BECAUSE TRASH DAY IS TOMORROW 😂 AFTER THAT FIND A BETTER SUPPORT SYSTEM. YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT 💓
BE STILL
Seriously though, sometimes I have to sit completely still with no distractions to figure out what my mood is at that moment and a lot of times I have to remove myself from situations or areas that I feel could be contributing to my mood. I am an "energy feeler/empath" aka a hypersensitive person so if it doesn't feel right...I leave. I'm not saying you will understand your mood EVERY time but at least try, don't write it off as "I'm just antisocial." Honestly it starts with you, no one can help you if you can't help yourself. Stop looking for an "out" because I'm sorry to say there isn't particularly one but there are a few detours that can get you to where you want to be eventually and for me that's stability.
Do your love ones support you? Do they get confused when your moods switch? Are you a communicator or do you shut down? How have you tried to communicate your feelings to your friends and family so they will understand you? Join me on Thursdays as I continue to talk about the hard topics we love to avoid. Thanks for reading!
The Broken Therapist 💞💗
Great post! Family and friends can sometimes be so consumed by trying to "fix" you that they don't try to understand what you're going through to even know what supporting you looks like. Thanks for sharing this insight
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed that from so many family and friends but I realized I have to do my part to communicate to help them understand. That's all I can hold myself accountable for and not to overwhelm myself trying to force them to understand. Thanks for reading!
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